Oh, you old fart, you.

Well, the only really quirky thing about my family is that we live a REALLY long time. Like we are oxes. On my mom's side, my grandfather has emphazema, skin cancer, and a bum foot. Yet lives in florida (sun 360 days of the year), plays golf 3 times a week, and keeps up with his garden. His mother has dymentia and all kinds of other stuff and has to be mid-90's (no one knows her exact age, her birth certificate was burned in a fire. she still thinks she is 70.) my great-great aunt is 101 and can still have a sensable conversation. On my dad's side his great aunt had a stroke lived for 15 more years. I don't know if that is unusual but I think that is pretty good.

but I'm not really sure if that is a plus or not. I mean who wants to live to be 100?
Not me.

But other than that we are pretty ordinary. No cousin shacking up with cousins. No funky deaths or strange accidents. No famous people. No grandfathers named Sweater.

We don't really have any traditions, either. I feel like I've missed out in that sense. My stepmom's family used to come over on Thanksgiving and Aunt Irene would tell us about the next big scam she had bought into and how the Indians at the gas station are stealing people's money.

But that's a-b-o-u-t it. uh. sorry if that was boring.

Just a big fat nasty circle.

What I know after this roller coaster of decisions, is there is no one definition for fate or freewill. Of course there are guidelines everyone sometimes follow, but the definitions we all discover are all different.

What I understand is that life is not all about the answers, but more of the questions. Ever since i was little, the way i thought you acquired knowledge was through answers. and yea, sometimes it is. But you truly grow and learn about yourself through the questions we develop (i know that sounds all like psychobabble but whatever)

What I doubt is the true difference between fate and freewill and even if that matters. They both just seem to be explanations of how things work. Shit happens, and maybe it has to do with your destiny or not. Maybe we all choose exactly what happens. The way I see it is that no matter what you do, the choices we make happen everyday affect everything else.

EXAMPLE: So someone choses to kill my mom, that might be freewill. But what results is that killer's great-grandchild kills himself. Thus because of his actions, someone else's fate was determined.

Strange. But someone who does not believe in destiny could easily say that the first killing could be in result of something someone else did. Hum...

but i'll move on.


What I am still wondering is why after all this time and pondering, am I still just at square one? I feel like I learned a new way of thinking (and questioning). But WHY after all this time is it so easy for me to just dismiss all of it and still ask the essential question, SO WHAT!



Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious - atoning for educatability through delicate beauty

did you know that?